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1. My Job
(Humor/Humor)
... the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes ...
2. Bear Removers
(Humor/Humor)
... not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If ...
3. Articals
(Humor/Humor)
Artical 1: Statement of Love: The kiss 1. Kiss on the hand... I adore you 2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends 3. Kiss on the neck... I want you 4. Kiss on the lips... I love you 5. Kiss ...
4. Confucious say:
(Humor/Humor)
 - Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.  - Man who stand on toilet high on pot.  - It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.  - Man who jizz in cash register ...
5. An old lady
(Humor/Humor)
... - can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks. ***POOF*** there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten.  With a smile that ...
... mask.  (What a salmon mask should look like, God only knows.)  They adjourned to the gym where each kid held his/her mask on with one hand.  The girls were given a sponge Nerf ball and the boys a can of ...
... leader, where it waved a placard before skulking off. A jubilant Freddy observed: "I had him for dinner. I stopped him getting anywhere near Tony. Tony shook my hand and thanked me for it."    However, ...
... sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff  as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspary, and runs into the house. Thirty ...
9. Little Boy
(Humor/Humor)
... he was doing in the shower.  The little boy said that he was playing poker.  So the dad asked who was playing the wild card.  And the little boy replied "With a hand like this, who needs a wild card." ...
... simulator.         (Only required 2KB!) 9.  Had met too many "Rules Girls." 8.  Alan Greenspan made an offhand comment questioning the "irrational        exuberance" about Java. 7.  It's the normal fallout ...
11. New Home
(Humor/Humor)
... bringing with him  ---a gorilla suit, pit bull, handcuffs and a gun.  He explains his technique to the homeowner....."I'm going to put on the gorilla suit, and go up the tree and knock the gorilla to the ...
12. Laundry
(Humor/Humor)
... hand." ...
13. Deep Thoughts
(Humor/Humor)
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."     My young brother asked me what happens after we die.  I told him we get buried under ...
14. Lucky Charms
(Humor/Humor)
...                                   bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains,                                   swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out                                   ...
15. Random
(Humor/Humor)
... wondering if there is a dog.   -------------------------------------------- What do you call a blond doing a handstand?   A brunette with bad breath.  Why did God create Man? Because she couldn't figure ...
... this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelieveable rate.  So he asks, "What's the story with that clock?"  "Oh, that," St. Peter replies.  "That's O. J. Simpson's clock.  We decided to use it as a ...
17. MURPHY’S LAWS
(Humor/Humor)
Anything that will go wrong will.          Anything any good in life is illegal, immoral, or fattening.          It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.          A bird in the hand is ...
18. Nuns
(Humor/Humor)
... says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."  Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.  "Well now, what's going on here?" ...
19. What if?.........
(Humor/Humor)
... to be troubled and insecure?  - Is there another word for synonym?  - Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?  - If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? ...
... officials praised the new strategy. "Stickers have always been a powerful weapon in the hands of the police," Baltimore chief of police Roy Quinlan said. "When we applied stickers saying, 'Help Keep A ...
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